My Husband Ignored My Birthday in Favor of His “Work Wife’s” Party, I Taught Him a Lesson of Respect

Emilia and Adam used to have a quite happy relationship.

© freepik / Freepik

Emilia, 38, is our reader, who couldn’t help but share her story with us and our readers. The woman wrote us an emotional letter and asked us to publish her tricky family situation. The woman confessed that there are people among her family and friends, who believe that she’s made a huge stir out of a trifle.

But some of her relatives and closest friends unanimously support her and insist that her situation wasn’t quite healthy. They are sure that Emilia acted in a right way and that she wasn’t overreacting to her husband’s behavior at all. Now, Emilia is asking for more opinions about her case, and this is her story.

Emilia wrote, “Hi, Alternatech! I’m 38 and my husband Adam is 45. We’ve been married for over 15 years now, and I couldn’t even imagine that our relationship would be shaken by a bold and appalling act of disrespect from the side of my beloved spouse. We’ve been quite happy in our marriage, having cultivated such necessary things as respect, empathy and mutual help in our relationship. Up until recently, I did think that our family was ideal and that nothing could be the reason for a serious argument between us. I was naive.”

Emilia was unpleasantly surprised by her husband’s disrespectful behavior.

Emilia goes on with her story, saying, “So, I was 37 at the moment when it all started happening, and my 38th birthday was approaching. Life hadn’t been easy during the past 2 years, I had some serious health issues and my beloved mom passed away when I was 36. So, I basically didn’t have time and desire to celebrate neither of my birthdays during the previous 2 years.”

“After feeling so much stressed and depressed, I finally came to terms with myself and decided that I needed some joy in my life. I decided to arrange a party for all my family members and friends. I was all anticipation, I wanted this gulp of fresh air, having fun with my nearest and dearest.
Though it wasn’t any kind of anniversary, this event was quite significant for me. I had been preparing for months for my 38th big birthday party. And I thought it was significant for Adam. But I was deeply mistaken.”

“My husband’s ’work wife’, Denise, was celebrating her birthday on the same day. She invited Adam and didn’t say a word about me. And then, my spouse deeply humiliated me right before my birthday party. He boldly said, ’Her birthday is more important to me than yours, because she’s celebrating her 35th birthday, which is more like an anniversary than your 38th. I will attend Denise’s party, and I hope you’ll respect my choice. I don’t want her to be offended by my ignoring of her big day. When you turn 40, I will be celebrating with you, I promise.’”

Emilia was frustrated by Adam’s act of disrespect.

Emilia wrote, “I tried to convince Adam that this particular birthday party was very important for me. I wanted him to celebrate with me, to have fun with me, and to share my ’back to life’ moment with me. But he arrogantly refused.”

“Adam said, ’Denise is throwing a big thematic party for all colleagues. We’re very close with her at work, we’ve been doing a great job together, so for her, it will be an unpleasant shock if I don’t come to honor her age milestone. Our boss will be there, too, and I know for sure that he prepared something special for both of us, as soon as Denise and I work closely together. I can’t miss this opportunity, you must understand me.’”

Emilia shared, “I was shocked, and Adam’s choice really made me sad. This wasn’t what I expected from a man, with whom I shared the toughest moments during all 15 years of our marriage. This wasn’t the act of love and respect, which I expected him to demonstrate ’by default’, because this was what every loving spouse would actually do. But he chose to be a good ’work husband’ and not a good husband.
It hurt so much. But I just smiled and didn’t even try to object. I acted as if everything was fine. I didn’t reproach him or preach him. I just tried to get used to the thought that I’m going to spend that party without my spouse by my side.”

Emilia taught her husband a good lesson.

Emilia wrote, “So, on my birthday, I was at home, hosting my party. Adam went to his work wife’s event. In the evening, I sent him a text and asked him not to come home tonight, because ’his place is occupied.’
Adam obviously started panicking, as he called me around 20 times. Of course, I didn’t pick up. He then left Denise’s party and went home to see what was going on. I met him as usual, and I was smiling as if nothing happened. When Adam asked me what was up, I looked him straight into the eye and said, in the presence of all my guests, that he’s no longer my husband.”

“I said, ’I’m not filing for divorce, Adam. I think we’re an ideal couple, at least on paper and in Facebook posts. But you’re not my husband, not my second half, and not the person who’ll make choices in my favor. I respect your wish to be present at your work wife’s event, but you must respect my wish to do whatever I want, too.’”

Emilia added, “To Adam’s dismay, I pointed at one of the guests. This was Derek, one of Adam’s best friends. Derek was helping me with my startup and had been taking an active part in the creation of my small business. So, I introduced Derek as my ’work husband’, because we did work together and were close, to some extent.
And then I said, ’Derek is the person who took your place, Adam. He came to my party, and he helped me through so many things. In fact, he was doing for me all the things that you should’ve been doing as a husband. So, I bought a tour to celebrate my 38th birthday, and Derek agreed to join me. We’re leaving tomorrow in the morning. Nothing personal, my dear, it’s just because I enjoy his company more than yours.’”

Emilia said, “Adam was furious, he slammed the door and left. I haven’t heard from him for over 2 weeks now, and my MIL recently contacted me and said that Adam is filing for divorce, because I ’humiliated him’. What should I do in my current situation? Am I wrong to have taught my husband such a cruel lesson?”